SharePoint Updates Cause Site to Fail

Config Wizard Access Denied
http://blogs.catapultsystems.com/mpoole/archive/2011/02/12/sharepoint-2007-config-wizard-access-denied.aspx

Cannot Connect to the Configuration Database
http://social.technet.microsoft.com/Forums/en-US/sharepointgenerallegacy/thread/8b3094a1-31ee-49d7-ab02-72ca0dc440a7/

SharePoint 3.0 Site Inaccessible After Update
http://social.technet.microsoft.com/Forums/en-US/sharepointadminlegacy/thread/e8391454-a5b2-418f-8dab-324c430ce219/

Add Old Content Database to New SharePoint Site
http://alkalony.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/add-existing-content-database-to-a-site-collection-using-stsadm/

Restore SharePoint 2.0 Site
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/829113